I believe everyone is a work in progress;nobody is perfect.
This unusual topic is also a lesson I’m currently learning and adapting to. Like the quote above,we are not perfect and sometimes we may have certain principles and regard for ourselves,that if a random person have a different opinion about us,we sometimes get defensive. *handsraised* I am a typical example.
I’m someone who gets defensive alot when it comes to people’s opinion about me. I just dont like judgments,side comments or accusations,and so I tend to get defensive. But I’m working on it.
I did a primary research in my Uni. where I observed how people relate and I also questioned a few friends. I realised that people get defensive due to these common reasons:
- The need to keep a certain reputation and to avoid tarnishing the ideal mindset you think people have of you.
- Lack of trust due to dishonesty from people.
- When you realise a person is not pleased with you.
- Accusations from people especially when wrongly accused.
- The need to always be right.
To illustrate further,let’s take a look at the discourse between these two characters:
1st person: Hii there
1st person: what is wrong?,you are looking withered
2nd person: Its nothing.
1st person: You know,honestly,we all know you frown your face alot,but now you are all depressed. This is a new one.
2nd person: really? Is that the opinion you have of me? Well I don’t frown my face. I think I would like to be alone now.. *walks away*
Through the discourse above,we get to view the defensiveness from the 2nd person. It is understandable in this context,but at the end of the day,one who is defensive gets hurt.
One sad truth is that people would always have a different opinion about us. We may be living and socialising like the average person but even someone who have been around could have a different view.
HOW TO NOT BE DEFENSIVE
It is sometimes said that ‘Guilt’ makes one defensive,but that is not always the case. As Humans,we have a tendency towards perfection but we also forget that nobody is perfect.
This is an opinion gotten from my research,I am actually using these tips and it works for me.
The first thing is to let go of your Ego.Just let go and let the comments slide. For example if you have a perspective about an idea and the other person has a different perspective,which you do not agree on,dont get so defensive,just let go. (For me it’s been hard,really hard,but it’s the best thing to do because then there would be no hurt feelings or strained relationships).
Secondly,you do not need anybody’s approval,so you should not let people’s opinions bother you. If not,you would get hurt.
In addition, we shouldn’t let other people’s opinions affect our wellbeing.Note that these opinions do not mean that a person means to hurt you or to belittle you,it could be just an observation. Sometimes they may be true and so instead of getting defensive,we should try to improve in that aspect.