college series Diary of a Nigerian Blogger Lagos Living

New Beginnings at 5 a.m

|Hi Reader | welcome back to my blog!

Listening to 》 Oceans by Hillsong

I know I’ve been AWOL on this blog,and that’s because I have been so busy,yet so free. I’ve been going through a terrible phase of writer’s block. I have also given up on so many things,and trying to figure out others. I’m at this point in my life,where I’m asking myself questions… like,what are the reasons why I’m doing this? What are my plans for the future? What is my true personality? What do I mean to the people around me? How do I free myself from the need to always follow the trend? How have I lost myself? Who makes me happy? How can I be better? How can I stop getting worked up by people? How do I break free from toxic relationships? What makes me happy?

I know these questions are a bit confusing to anyone who doesn’t understand. I’ve just been asking myself these questions because,I realised that I haven’t been thinking outslde the box on trying to figure out my life.

Lately,its been like I don’t know who I am anymore,even though the past should be behind me(not literally),I can’t help but wish I was the girl I used to be. I miss the old me a bit,just because I don’t like a part of this me.

Right now its 6:24 a.m,I woke up at 5 a.m,so that I could reflect on these questions. I watched a couple of Coffee and Bible time videos on YouTube,and afterwards,studied a little of Psalms,James,and Proverbs.

I had written some prayer points yesterday on my journal,which were inspired by Initwithjinnie. It took me some minutes to do these,and then a few more minutes to search for more bible verses on Pinterest. I came across some,and decided to compile them into one file. To get yours,you can send a request via mail.

So these are basically bible verses in form of Wallpapers,which you can use on your iPhone or Android.

A few days ago, I had been bothered about my social life,I mean,my social media life. I realised it has been having negative effects in my life. I used to be so worried about not posting every two to three days(especially on WhatsApp),I used to feel disappointed when people don’t comment on whatever I post. I would waste my time worrying what my social media friends thought of me. I was so busy that I forgot about my reality. I failed to count my blessings. I forgot about the very few,but good people who I didn’t have to impress online. I forgot how much I was loved and respected by the few good ones,instead,I let how I was treated by others define me.

I also realised social media was making me loose myself. I had also,almost forgotten the reason why started this blog. I want to be happy when writing,without worrying about what others think of me or my work. I just want to be me.

Now,I feel different,I’m still active on social media, but I try to limit what I do. I’m more conscious of what I text,and what I let affect me.

This morning, while I was checking Pinterest for bible inspirations,I came across this verse in the bible:

Zachariah 4:10

Small beginnings…

This verse is so relatable to me,because I find myself growing anxious and impatient for the future,I sometimes forget to live in the moment and be thankful. I’ve also grown impatient because I’ve been indoors(not mostly). I just miss the life I had before the lockdown. This has made me more anxious about the future,and I wish I didn’t have to feel this way.

I feel so much better,now that I have written how I’ve been feeling lately. I wonder if you feel the same.

I hope I would be inspired to write about the life during the lockdown soon. Hopefully I’ll see you in my next post…….

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